For the past two years my teenager has been too young to work and not interested in going to camp. That has made the summer months (not to mention school vacations) a major challenge.
I work from home. That at least means my teenager, Joshua, has an adult in the house while heโs not in school. It does not, however, mean that Iโm free to entertain him all summer.
Luckily, I have a fair amount of work flexibility. I get paid for what I produce — so not working isnโt really a viable option but my various bosses genuinely donโt care if I dial in for a meeting from Universal Studios (that has happened a few times) or am writing articles at the recently-closed Starbucks at Walt Disneyโs Epcot theme park.
They generally also have little concern about when I work aside from a handful of meetings each week. Articles have deadlines and some projects must be finished by a certain date, but I can work at 2 a.m. or 2 p.m., which allows me to be a somewhat engaged parent during times when schools are closed.
Communicate and donโt be a hero
Just because I can work in the middle of the night or on weekends when my wife (who has a traditional job) is off does not mean I want to. Generally, I compromise in order to do something with my son each day but not disrupt my own day.
Generally, I start a little earlier than normal (maybe 6:30 a.m. instead of 7 of 7:30 a.m.). When my son gets up (almost always by 8:30, often earlier) Iโll communicate a plan for the day. Maybe heโll tag along while I get coffee (he usually wants a bagel) or perhaps Iโll tell him the plan and heโll disappear for a while.
This is where Iโm not a hero. Letting him play Xbox or watch YouTube on his phone isnโt exactly making him study a foreign language or learn to play the guitar, but, honestly, we have a hard enough time getting through the school year that Iโm simply not fighting those battles during vacations, summers, or unexpected breaks.
If I have to work and letting him waste his time buys me that time, well, at least weโve won financially. At some point in nearly every day — at a time I communicated to him earlier — we will do something. That could mean playing cards, going somewhere unexciting like Target, or it could mean a theme park trip, time at the pool, a beach trip, or something even more adventurous.
Put yourself in position to win
Since I have locational flexibility, Joshua and I have taken what we have jokingly called โdadventuresโ since he was a little kid. In this case, in the six years I have worked from home, these have included making our โhomeโ where I work from everything from our modest vacation place near the Central Florida theme parks, to a hotel room in Key West, my family home in New Hampshire, five or six different cruise ships, and at least a few other places.
Even in non-home, home locations, I generally keep the work routine described above. Thatโs often why Iโm the guy on the cruise ship with his laptop at the cafe in the early morning. Iโve also been known to be working late nights in hotel bars — which can be challenging.
By making sure I have what I need (a laptop and a good WiFi connection) I can work when whatever Iโm planning to do with my son allows. That has often meant casting a broader definition of home, but making sure I have the tools needed to be productive in random bursts, at weird hours, or (sometimes) in places where other people arenโt working.
Itโs harder with younger kids
As my son gets older, he needs me less. Obviously, he can feed himself and (with prodding) will take care of most of his own basic hygiene. He tends, however, to not do anything that involves moving unless I make him.
That means that even on days when Iโm swamped with work and stuck in the house, Iโll make an effort to make him take a walk with me. Iโm also willing to offer small bribes (maybe a soda or candy bar) if heโll throw a football around with me in the pool. Thatโs perhaps not great parenting, but sometimes youโre in survival mode.
When Joshua was younger, I had less flexibility but used television or access to video games (maybe ones my wife would not approve of) to get the time I needed to work. Itโs okay to maybe cheat a little as a parent so you can pay the bills. Yes, many people can work during naps or after bedtime, but if you need to work and putting in โCarsโ or some other kid-friendly movie gets you the time you need, do that.
Do what you have to
Most parents make every effort to put their kid (or kids) first. Sometimes, however, work makes that a challenge. You can explain that to your child. He or she may not understand the relationship between work and money (which is pretty explicit for many hourly or by-the-piece work-from-home people).
Know that by working and making money youโre not being selfish. Youโre doing what you can for your child, which sometimes canโt be everything.
Find a balance. Realize some days you will be able to do little more than work, feed your child, and make sure he or she does not get hurt. Itโs okay. Cut yourself some slack. Some days you may find yourself at a museum or waterpark or maybe spending the day at home devoted to your child (weโve had some epic card game days). Both are okay as long as youโre doing the best you can to manage both your child and your work life.
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As I’m gearing up for another year of school at home, I needed to read this. Thanks for your advice and encouragement!